Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Giraffe-Necked Baby Was All In Your Head

Thursday night, I dreamed that I gave birth to a little giraffe-necked girl who could talk from the moment she was born.

When my dream-water broke, Husband and I drove to a bizarre urban log-cabin house-that-was-a-hospital, where I was assigned to a birthing room filled by an enormous bed. As soon as I was prone, a nurse straight out of 1944 stuck me with a gigantic syringe. I must have Dream-Blacked-Out, because the next moment I was waking up as Husband handed me our little long-necked girl.

I want boys, by the way. More than once I've instructed Husband to inform his swimmers of my preference.

We called her Julie or Juliana or some variation thereof, but she insisted at least twice that she wanted to be named after me (Listen, my darling little dreamed up giraffe-necked talking baby girl, do NOT encourage me. Your mother is self-aggrandizing enough as it is.). The dream was so vivid that my brain kept trying to force the whole scenario to jive with reality. When our families paraded in to meet her, not even the presence of dead grandparents was enough to set off my "This Isn't Real!" alarm. My sense of reality was completely warped. Dream-Husband and I were willing to reconcile ourselves to just about any absurdity. We even dismissed with a laugh how strange it was that I gave birth so suddenly - we didn't even know I was pregnant!

And when I woke up it took several minutes for me to register that it was all just a dream. I opened my eyes confused, wondering where my kid was. I almost called in sick to work.

"I can't come in today, I had a baby last night."
"Wait. You were pregnant?"
"I know! So weird! We didn't even know until- waaaait a second."

For a moment I lay in bed, gripping my phone and ready to dial. I even heard wailing from the next room.

"Ohmigosh! I've got to go get the baby!" I thought, and then immediately after,

"Wait. That's the cat."

I put the phone down as I realized that my giraffe-necked daughter didn't exist. For a few groggy minutes, I was heartbroken.

And there was no flute in a space-probe to remember her with.

I spent most of Friday hoping against all logic that the churning in my stomach meant I was pregnant (except I was also broken out and bloated, so not so much.) My reproductive organs snaked up through my body and my fallopian tubes plugged themselves directly into my brain which is now screaming "BAYBEE!!! BAYBAY!!!"

(Not that I wasn't gung-ho to spawn before my brain decided to trick me into believing I had a daughter. The little voice in my head has been hollering ever since we made a solid plan to start trying next year.)

When Husband got home I told him all about our little giraffe-necked baby girl, how I spent half the dream worrying that she'd manage to break her freakishly long neck. And how I missed her. He grinned, not a little bit smugly, and said

"Does this mean you're okay with having girls now?"

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55 comments:

Kelley said...

I loved this one! Think of all the necklaces your giraffe-necked girl could wear. I am not surprised you want boys, though. The odds are better that they'd love Star Wars. I always saw myself as more of a boy mom, too. Now I have two little male Ewoks. So, yell at your husband's swimmers and tell 'em you mean bidness!

The Ranters Box said...

There must be some strange planetary alignment going on as I too have had some rather bizarre dreams lately... so much so that I'm almost embarrassed to share them. My gawd-awful dream involved Ryan Seacrest, creepy kisses and something that resembled a drug pipe intermingled with an ex-boyfriend and clothes shopping. There is no rational explanation for that trippy little adventure in dream land but I can sure as hell tell you that I would much rather have a giraffe-necked baby than to have to kiss that elf Ryan Seacrest!

www.rantersbox.blogspot.com

Jeff said...

"We didn't even know I was pregnant!"

That show kills me. Like, how do you not know?

I wish only the best for you and your giraffe child.

jmplatz said...

First, +20pts for the Star Trek reference!

Second, you are my opposite. Children scare the living bejeezus out of me. I don't want to have them because they freak me out--all the responsibility that comes with being wholly and completely responsible for another human life. I keep thinking, "What if I screw up?! What if they hate me?! I don't want another being to hate me like my mother and I hate each other...dear god!"

Also, if I did, by some crazy fluke, have babies, I'd only want girls.

LM Lawrence said...

Love the little giraffe-necked girl who could talk when she was born. Great post!

Imperfect and tense said...

Well, I haven't seen "Inception" yet, so don't feel qualified to comment, but... hang on, the world would be a nicer place with more Star Trek references, don't you think?

Alexa O said...

I had a dream once that I gave birth to a baby who was the shape of a baby but the size of a four-year-old.

I carried my bloated, ugly baby around on my shoulders (she didn't fit in my arms), trying to convince myself that I loved her anyway even though she was really, really weird looking.

Those lady hormones are INSANE.

Holly Bierly Young said...

I LOVED THIS. We have "baby issues" at our house (he wants to wait a year, I want to wait two years, etc.) Maybe I just need to dream of a giraffe-necked girl to make me 'ready.' Call in sick tomorrow. You're on maternity leave. ;)

fairfig said...

I stumble across this site. fantastic.love it.

Two Fat Girls Take Umbrage said...

funny!

slushygirl said...

Fabulous post! Baby dreams are so bizarre but I thought you only had them if you were pregnant. When I was pregnant I dreamed I was having a mermaid baby, a "little person", and Siamese twins. Mostly this came from those bizarre shows on Discovery Channel. I bet sometime that day you saw that commercial with the man with the tiny pet giraffe. Ha! http://slushygirl.blogspot.com/

Keeping time said...

So funny! I love how our minds take over once we're asleep, it really make me wonder how much we dwell on certain subjects without realizing it!

Display Name said...

Hilarious dream! Was Ozzie Osbourne the father?

Beth said...

That's crazy! I've never had any crazy dreams ABOUT babies, but in the four months that I have been pregnant I have been having crazy vivid dreams when I NEVER remembered any dreams before this...maybe it's a sign?

Charles said...

I am terrified now.

Just the idea of your little freak baby is making me wince. I don't know... I don't mean to sound cruel, but your dream baby is certainly the ugliest dream baby I have ever imagined.

On the plus side, when they make the special SPECIAL edition of Star Wars: A New Hope, your freak baby will have an easy time getting a part as an extra in the "Cantina" scene... she will fit right in.

I don't mean to sound cruel.

http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com

Heather Michelle said...

I feel your pain! I've had very similar dreams (1st was a daughter and 2nd was a son), suddenly pregnant and the brain fitting it into reality despite the obvious impossibility, etc. I woke up convinced I'd met my child and was also heartbroken that they weren't still with me.

SkyWaitress said...

Aw, aren't dreams strange? I have vivid dreams like that from time to time. Generally I know I'm dreaming but every once in awhile dreams feel *so* real.

I've had the baby dreams before and when I wake up I miss them too. Ironically I always dream of having a boy even though I desperately want my first child to be a girl. I'll trade dream babies with ya ;)

Whitney said...

The Giraffe-Necked Little Girl sounds like a very warped children's book, as does your dream. Kind of.

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

When I was pregnant I had some weird baby dreams. I dreamt once that I gave birth to an airplane. Or a ship. I can't quite remember.

In retrospect, that was probably freakage due to my enormosity. But at the time I think we thought the dreams Meant Something.

Meagooo :) said...

Babies are creepy, but when they have giraffe necks... I mean, that just draws the line! Haha. Well, cheers to babies, I guess? :)

alonewithcats said...

I don't want babies. At all. But for some reason, I felt a little pang in my uterus at the prospect of a little giraffe-necked baby.

Maybe I just need to get another cat.

Miss S. said...

Great post:)
I've often dreamt that I'm suddenly pregnant, and someone will say to me, "right time to have the baby!" and I'm all like "Noooooo! I'm not ready!"
I want it out of me.... but for it to occur magically.
Haha, dreams are truly weird and enlightening about what one really thinks.

Jayne said...

You must have left the T.V. on while you were sleeping, tuned to "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and that new commercial for DirectTV with the mini giraffe seeped it's way into your subconscious. If you haven't seen that commercial, you really must. The giraffe is worth it alone.

Coco said...

I dreamt the other night that I was pregnant. They're always SUPER vibrant, and I usually spend the whole next day running my hands over my stomach to make sure it's not protruding (well, any more than normal, that is)...this time I was hugely pregnant and living in some house way off in the middle of nowhere in winter. But, I couldn't afford to buy a new coat that would fit around my new figure...and my water broke...but there was no one to take me to the hospital and the phone lines were down...so I had to drive myself.

There's some sort of scary movie plot in there somewhere, I am sure.

The Fickle Nickle said...

Ahhhh... a giraffe-necked baby!! This post had me giggling the whole time:) xo

Colleen said...

I have dreams like this all of the time. For example, I had one a few days ago that someone was going to assassinate the President, but failed and somehow I became Obama's only hope for survival. Which is pretty sad, since I have a hard enough time remembering to feed myself. So the lesson is: if the President ever needs help, he'd better not come to me or he'll starve.

Martha said...

You are SO ready to be a mama! And watch out, those pregnancy/post-natal hormones are a bitch. You think you're having crazy dreams now....

Shelley said...

Hey! Thanks for coming by my blog today! I can completely relate to this! I have weird, detailed dreams a lot and I also dream about having babies once in a while. I'm always a little sad when I wake up and realize it was just a dream...

RSA Certificate said...

Wow, your dream confuses me.
I love it though :) when you wake up but you're still not totally awake and you're in your dream and everything feels wonky, best!

2girlsonabench said...

Oh the giraffe baby, a classic dream about your subconscious desire to work at the zoo... BTW loved this!

Amanda M said...

that dream sounded freakaaaay!!!! well only once you woke up it probably seemed that way. or did it? I want boys too. But its probably cause i only had sisters and they were all a royal pain in my ass.

Corianda said...

Having a giraffe-necked-baby-girl would just be so handy, you could just toss her over your shoulder like a continental soldier... or play croquet with her just like in Alice in Wonderland...
Once my dad had a dream that he robbed a bank. He woke up and rang the police station, confessed completely to the dreamt-up-robbery much to the surprise of the policemen who:
a) hadn't even heard that a bank had been robbed
b) was luckily a friend of my father who realised something was amiss.

Dreams can be CAH-razy.
x
Corianda
http://corianda-corianda.blogspot.com

Cristine said...

Ever since I can remember, I wanted boys but when I did fall pregnant and gave birth to a girl it was a huge surprise, I mean I was having boys. I then proceeded to have another girl. By that time I was over the boy thing and didn't mind another girl. Girls are fun. I have 2 little best friends with me all the time and we talk and shop and gossip and giggle and we enjoy the same movies... Just wanted to tell you that no matter what you have, it's the best thing you'll ever do with your life. BTW your dream was fabulous to read and you should consider having it made into a movie BUT written by Neil Gaiman (Coraline) and directed by Henry Selick. I can see a giraffe-necked baby girl with button eyes.

Ronnica said...

I don't like those dreams where you wake up and you're still convinced that *that's* reality. So hard to get back to real life, even hours later!

tera said...

I have dreams like that sometimes, very vivid, non-sense when you wake up, but still so very real. Makes you wonder where that stuff come from, eh?

Olivia J. Herrell said...

Margaret, great dream and great post! Thanks for stopping by my blog, it's so nice to meet you.

~ that rebel, Olivia

Cassie said...

HA! Dreams are so freakin' weird. I swear, sometimes I think no one can have stranger dreams than I do, so I'm glad to see that's not totally true.

As for your comment on my blog (thank you), I completely relate. Now that I've got, oh, more than 2 followers (I'm up to a full 25! Woo hoo!), I'm starting to freak out wondering if there's really enough in me to say. So yeah, pretty much curling up into a ball over here.

As for you, every time I come to your blog, you've got a billion more followers than the last time! I'd say you're doing something right. :)

Theresa Milstein said...

The dreams that feel so real, even when in retrospect many things weren't so real (like having a giraffe-necked baby), take awhile to recover from.

Ericka @ alabaster cow said...

Girls are cool. I wanted a boy too but I now have a female hell on wheels. And I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Also I want a mini-giraffe now like in that direct tv commercial.

Samantha said...

Hey I just gave you an award on my blog:
http://teanink.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-dear-friend-gave-me-this-award-on.html

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I watched Inception this weekend, which if you haven't seen it is about dreams, and that's all I could think about when reading your story. Also, I pictured your giraffe girl as pink. So you should consider having uniquely colored children. I've had a vision, so it should probably come true.

Rachel said...

Obviously you have figured out the meaning of this dream: you are either meant to have a baby girl or you are meant to work with giraffes. Come on, girl. It's SO obvious.

But keep in mind what my dad always says about kids: don't let the animals run the zoo.

Irisrainbow said...

I'm thinking that it's the hybrid Talos baby from Ann Rice's novels, rather then the Direct TV commercial.

Cassie said...

Hi Margaret! I wanted to let you know, since you're a follower, that I moved my blog to www.wittytitlehere.com, if you'd like to check it out. :) I'm pretty psyched to have my own domain despite the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. BUT, it's gone fairly well so far. Let me know what you think!

Thanks, and take care!

Cassie

WhisperingWriter said...

That dream would have freaked me out a little bit.

I like it when I dream about being in a world made of chocolate. Until it all melts, that is. Then it gets freaky.

Amber said...

I loved reading this, mainly because my dream child--as in the child I hope to have one day, not the child of my subconscious mind--has a giraffe neck. And a black giraffe tongue.

FYI: I heart you, lady. I heart you a lot.

Admin said...

giraffe-necked girlis the bes.

Jo said...

The thought of giving birth to a giraffe necked girl makes me feel a bit twitchy.

That would be a seriously long process. *shudder*

Harley said...

Well, does it?

Maybe giraffe baby will visit you in your dreams from now on... (dun dun duuuuuun!)

SweetSpotSweetie said...

HaHa!! So funny!! When I was pregnant with Sky, I dreamed she came out as a totem pole and could only blink her eyes and move her chin like the nutcracker when he's cracking nuts. My mom and my sister were looking on and asked me if I had called the doctor about my daughter's "problems" but I kept trying to convince them that this was perfectly normal. Even though I was freaking out on the inside-"I think I broke the baby!! I didn't even mean to, but I did!" Oh man, dreams are so weird!

On a different note, I hope you guys do have kids. You will be such good parents, and kids are just the best. It's by far my favorite job I've ever had! :)

Jules from A Little Bite of Life said...

My name is Julie...am I your giraffe-necked girl? :)

I love being a boys mom--except that I NEVER get to watch chick flicks in this house until 2 a.m.

Great blog!

snoble24 said...

funny dream.im sure youll be a great mom when it happens.you prefer boys as you said but if you had a girl i can tell by this dream youd love her just as much.funny dream though

Me, myself and I said...

Wow, I thought I had weird dreams. I hate when they are THAT real. New reader and loving it!

mylaughingblog said...

This is the first time I have visited your site. I found it interesting. Keep up the good work.

spitonthestreet said...

i. am. dying. i want your dreams. minus having babies. i dont want to have babies. boys nor girls, i shall decided when i adopt.