Comments on The Crymes Syndicate: "That Black Boy Took My Swing!" or, Dr. Laura Dese...

Dr. Laura is a total weirdo. The worst thing is ...

2010-09-21T13:17:36.978-07:00

Dr. Laura is a total weirdo.

The worst thing is that when she gave her completely stupid, insensitive, uninformed advice, there were hundreds of listeners who didn't question it.

Sorry to be late to the party, just wanted to chim...

2010-09-14T18:34:58.423-07:00

Sorry to be late to the party, just wanted to chime in that I felt your post was quite relevant.

I think it also is very eye opening to suddenly find yourself in a position of being a minority. It makes you realise how privileged or lucky you have always been. I moved to Britain from America 5 years ago, and being an immigrant has given me an insight I didn't have previously.

Also- my son, being of a darker complexion, never had any trouble in Arizona- but here in Britain, land of the pasty caucasian, he is frequently the victim of racial abuse that I bet most "whites" don't even realise still happens in this day and age....

It has a huge affect on your point of view. Perhaps Dr. Laura hasn't had the benefit of walking a mile...

It seems that we as Americans like to qualify thin...

2010-09-06T08:55:03.564-07:00

It seems that we as Americans like to qualify things, I've never understood why. It also seems to be a very generational thing. As a teacher, most of my high school students never use qualifiers, its just not apart of their vocabulary as it was ours and our parents'.

Amen. To everything. Sounds as if Dr. Laura is ge...

2010-09-05T20:12:30.321-07:00

Amen. To everything.

Sounds as if Dr. Laura is getting the ultimate time-out. And a long-time-coming heave-ho.

Sigh. Late to the party, as per usual. I love th...

2010-09-04T15:40:20.232-07:00

Sigh. Late to the party, as per usual.

I love this; I agree with every word, and I love the gentle lesson you got from that man.

Dr. Laura's statement that her advertisers are infringing on her constitutional rights is flat silly. That's like saying I'm infringing on her constitutional rights because I don't buy her books! She has the right to say what she likes; I have the right not to listen; and her advertisers have the right to stop financing her show.

Duh.

That woman has always made my skin crawl. I have never understood why people listen to her profoundly dismissive, judgmental, and harsh words.

That is a great story, and perfect that you learne...

2010-09-01T16:09:12.345-07:00

That is a great story, and perfect that you learned. It's also a great example of how racism is alive in the U.S. and still is. The talk show hosts expect a following no matter where they go and will usually get it. Minorities are only in the heads of the people that use the term, and that's what I personally dislike about labels, they do only exist because we use them. In the end I suppose certain social factions will never get along with other social factions because they will look for reasons not to. In my community growing up, there were social introverts and outcasts the same. I suppose it's not really who you are anymore in this country, it's what you are, and as long as social terms exist, we'll never be Americans...

This was a very entertaining and educational story...

2010-08-28T22:54:54.588-07:00

This was a very entertaining and educational story! You seemed like a confident little 5 y/o speaking your mind and thoughts so passionately to an adult that way, even if they weren't the "right" thoughts. My son is 5 and this story makes me realize that he will remember things that I do and lessons I teach him (I hope). Thanks for this post!

Loved your blog. It is interesting at what age ...

2010-08-28T19:01:54.057-07:00

Loved your blog.

It is interesting at what age we become aware, consciously or not, of our own environment and social being in the world. Being born in Zambia to white parents, and migrating to Australia when I was two, I remember vividly being at the water drinking fountains at school, when I was about five and discussing with another child (the name, and who, I cannot remember either) that I was born in Africa. They responded, so simply, “You can’t have been you’re not black”. I still remember the confusion this caused to me as to why I wasn’t, and perhaps a bit of disappointment. Interestingly, my first doll (who I still have lovingly today) is black and sent to me by my grandmother and all the time playing with her it never dawned on me that she was a different colour to all the other dolls in the household at the time. A very fortunate upbringing!

I really loved this post. It was a lesson too man...

2010-08-27T18:14:42.415-07:00

I really loved this post. It was a lesson too many of us have never learned.

Margaret, this is all very true. What bothered m...

2010-08-27T14:39:59.170-07:00

Margaret, this is all very true.

What bothered me most about Schlessinger's comments that day was not her use of the N word, but her dismissive attitude toward the caller from the very beginning.

She accused the woman of being hyper sensitive and then shouted over her all the while saying that the collective "we" should be able to talk about race.

Yet, she wasn't letting the woman have her opinion and she was treating her with much disrespect.

I agree that she is being given a much-needed time out. I hope it lasts forever. It pains me when such callousness and poor judgment is used by any person with an audience.

I don't think that you deserved such treatment as a child. I think you were wronged. Children learn racism from adults and it is up to the adults to talk to them about word choice, not punish a child for saying something she doesn't truly understand the ramifications of.

@ Ari af ya Universe, I am the mother of a biracial child. I wonder if your nephew seems scared of you for other reasons than your skin color. My daughter is 2 and she is aware of the difference in our skin tones, but it's because we talk about it. She sees older white women and yells "Grandma" and she sees older black women and yells, "Grandma." Children notice lots of things. Maybe your nephew is simply shy, in comparison to your niece. With all due respect, I think you should carefully consider assuming that a member of your family is scared of you because of your color. Children act in many ways for many reasons.

If I am wrong, please accept my apologies. I mean no disrespect. But it's a topic I think of often considering that my family is made up of different colors.

Peace.

You're post reminded me of the first time I us...

2010-08-27T08:56:41.712-07:00

You're post reminded me of the first time I used a racial slur...sadly it was the n-word but, fortunately I've seen the error in my ways.

I honestly can't remember how old I was. We were waiting in line at a Dairy Queen for some ice cream and I remember saying that I was glad that there was just some --- in front of us. I don't remember feeling any sort of frustration at their race or entitlement based on my own but, my parents quickly corrected me and later explained to me that that particular word shouldn't be used in mixed company.

Inquisitive in my youth I remember wondering why a word should be said at all that was like the N-word. It is a word uniquely designed to demean and hurt people and I can't for the life of me think of any reason that I wanted to do that then or that I'd want to do that now.

Now while I'm glad that in this country I do have the freedom to say the n-word but, I'm also glad that I've got the good sense to NOT say it.

Our thoughts are expressed in language and as such we should be aware of the words that we allow to enter into our vocabulary and be aware of the whole definition of the words that we already use.

You pose an interesting question- I'm not sure...

2010-08-27T03:06:22.188-07:00

You pose an interesting question- I'm not sure anyone can really pinpoint the moment they became aware of race. I do feel the need to point out that I wasn't specifically mad at the kid because he was black (at least not, God love me, consciously), I was pissed because he took my swing, and for reasons I still don't understand, I made his race an issue. It's particularly notable in light of the fact that not before and never since have I done anything like what happened that afternoon.

If anyone's wondering, the boy never heard the exchange. The gazebo was quite far away from the swing set, and he was able to swing and play quite happily, unaware of the stunt I was pulling on the other side of the park.

Thirdly, no I didn't call out Dr. Laura's n-word rant or her thinly (read as: not at all) veiled jab at interracial marriages - I touched on it briefly, but I think most of the media's got calling her on the racist B.S. covered - as well as the fact that the baited the caller.

I told the story only to emphasize that the concept of receiving social consequences for being borderline or even blatantly racist isn't anything on a scale with losing your First Amendment rights.

I read your anecdotal story with great interest. H...

2010-08-27T02:37:21.294-07:00

I read your anecdotal story with great interest. How does a 5 year old KNOW the discernment of race unless it was taught by an adult?

My niece and nephew are biracial. Their mothers are Caucasian (I know long story don't want to go into). And it is my nephew that is beginning to realize how he is different because he is ~5 years old. But I even remember him ~2 years old not wanting to hug me because he was scared of who I was and that he had never seen a "Black woman" like me before...See my mother has a lighter skin tone so his reference to darker skin tones are only males.

My niece is ~2 and she has taken to me since she was an infant in my arms. That little girl just clings to me as if I was her mother. It is the funniest thing. Cute as a button.

As my nephew gets older it takes 2 days for him to warm up to me...Your story reminds me of the wounds that children inflict on one another that never heal. While you may feel you healed, you cannot remember the boy or the counselors name of how your greedy ignorant 5 years borderline (I like that diagnosis) racist rant confounded another child...

That child now an adult, if still alive, may have moved on and is happy. Some people can do that. A lot of people, cannot.

The reason why Dr. Laura's comments were so incendiary was not the fact she used the word in a matter of context or claim her free speech rights were oppressing her. But that she would attempt to befuddle the caller on her real relationship problem with her hypocrisy by knowingly target her on something that would incite the caller...This caller was blindsided.

Fact is you don't call Dr. Laura's retarded show on that subject.

can we be pen-pals or something? haha you are so h...

2010-08-27T01:10:33.352-07:00

can we be pen-pals or something? haha you are so honest p.s. your keds sound amazing. my cool-kid shoes were clear-jelly and sparkly. my pride and joy. p.s. I feel like its innapropriate to be pen pals when we live on the same continent. like. shouldnt one of us live over the ocean? just saying.

@Joreth - Thanks for the thoughtful comment! I do ...

2010-08-26T19:19:52.351-07:00

@Joreth - Thanks for the thoughtful comment! I do have one nitpick though: who should and should not use the N-word isn't confusing.

Women can say things about women that men shouldn't say. Hispanics might crack jokes amongst themselves. Japanese kids might make jokes at their own ethnic expense - it's all along the lines of "I'll make fun of my mama all I want, but you better keep your mouth shut." And Dr. Laura is old enough to know better. She's not some kid born in 2001 who has no clue about the original meaning of the n-word. She's 63 years old (born in 1947, if you're doing the math.) Unless she's spent her entire life in isolation, she should know better.

But that's neither here nor there, the 11 n-bombs were bad, but they were almost nothing compared to her directive that the caller "shouldn't have married outside of her race." That statement was the far more egregious moment of Being a Dick.

Remember when Miss California got flamed so badly ...

2010-08-26T19:19:25.617-07:00

Remember when Miss California got flamed so badly for saying she was against gay marriage, and then went all over every talk show that had electricity saying her first amendment rights were being infringed upon?

I wanted someone, ANYONE, to say, "The first amendment does not give your protection from consequence for saying things that are offensive! It gives you freedom from being ARRESTED for those offensive comments by someone who disagrees with you."

Consequence is consequence. Say something that pisses people off, they act pissed. The first amendment is not an entitlement clause.

I can understand the confusion that some people ha...

2010-08-26T18:35:32.703-07:00

I can understand the confusion that some people have when they see a particular word being used casually by a group of people whose culture they are unfamiliar with, and then they try to use it and get penalized for it.

That being said, I'm not defending Dr. Laura at all and I think this post is completely correct. The proper response to "that's racist" would be "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand that and I didn't mean what it sounded like" and, if necessary, "could you explain to me why?", not "you're violating my First Amendment Rights to say whatever I want!"

A mailing list I'm on recently went through a similar flame war, where someone made a joke about "all women" and a couple of women stepped in with "that's sexist and also untrue". To which the guys said "oh lighten up, it was just a joke".

After progressively more heated responses on both sides, I (as the moderator) stepped in and banned a couple I thought of as the most rude, but not everyone with the opposing opinion got banned. Just the ones with the biggest attitude.

To which the opposing side cried "censorship" and taking sides in an argument. First of all, yes, I took the side of those who were offended by the rudeness and who were the first "victims" in the situation. Second of all, nowhere does it say that the email group is required to listen to every single viewpoint in existence. As someone above said, not everyone has the right to an audience.

Although, to whomever said something about Dr. Laura having it in for her caller from the beginning - that's her schtick. Why she's popular is because some people like a "tell it like it is" type personality. An awful lot of the time, her response to her callers is not to sympathize with them and tell them how right they are to feel whatever they're feeling, but to point out where she thinks it's *their* fault for their predicament. In certain cases (like the guy who married a party girl & got pissed when she didn't change into June Cleaver after the wedding) that might be appropriate. In many other cases, it's not.

Fab post! Totally agree with you. Dr. Laura deserv...

2010-08-26T17:12:52.359-07:00

Fab post! Totally agree with you. Dr. Laura deserves a time out...a few years perhaps.

One of the reasons my father and I no longer speak...

2010-08-26T17:00:09.835-07:00

One of the reasons my father and I no longer speak is because he feels the need to bring up the superiority of white people every other minute and every time he does I want to choke him with his suspenders. It's my own fault, I let him know much it bothers me. Now he can use it against me, to punish me for not thinking he's right and for having a black best friend and for not living up to his expectations et cetera et cetera.
It sucks. But you're right; I can't stop him from thinking or saying these things, but I sure as hell don't have to stick around to listen to them.
Great post, Margaret.

I agree, Margaret. It's better that these moro...

2010-08-26T16:36:55.541-07:00

I agree, Margaret. It's better that these morons and bigots show the world who they really are-- so that we know to stay clear of them!

Bravo Margaret, excellent post. And thank you Skyw...

2010-08-26T16:36:45.814-07:00

Bravo Margaret, excellent post. And thank you Skywaitress, there is no constitutional guarantee to a free audience.

::claps:: I couldn't have said this better. ...

2010-08-26T16:11:49.976-07:00

::claps:: I couldn't have said this better.

People think they're not only entitled to speak but they're entitled to an audience. Thankfully they're mistaken.

Great post.

This was a fantastic post. And it's sad what y...

2010-08-26T15:44:51.403-07:00

This was a fantastic post. And it's sad what you learned while young is something that too many middle aged people still haven't figured out. Like Dr. Laura.

@Angela - I love that they're legally allowed ...

2010-08-26T15:36:23.317-07:00

@Angela - I love that they're legally allowed to run off at the mouth. If they were LEGALLY restricted from spewing that kind of crap, we'd never be able to see them for what they are, would we?

The best way to punish people for being assholes is to hit them hard with social consequences.

I like this post. Very much. It's always the b...

2010-08-26T15:32:57.391-07:00

I like this post. Very much. It's always the biggest assholes who decry freedom of speech to defend more of their assholish behaviour. Which I think you covered, but just thought I'd second it.

I live in a city which is really more of a small town and is still ridiculously racist. It is commonplace for people to refer to 'black' people as "monkeys" and worse. It's disgusting and when I object, as I often have, they pipe up with "I'm not prejudiced". Um, yes you are now shut the fuck up you un-educated moron.

Which, apparently, makes me the bad guy.

Fuck freedom of speech if that's what it means.